Why?

Talking to my mom on the phone this morning (Like i do every morning) I commented that I just want the next 12months to be over with me to have kept to my goals the whole time and to be at the 'end' point. I would love to wake up tomorrow and be able to get out and run 10km and enjoy it, to slip on whatever i felt like and know it looks good.
So then I had a little thing about why I'm doing this: I'm doing this to fall in love with myself again. For the past few years I have had this strange feeling of not having enough love. It irks (love that word... irks) me that I have a fantastic fiance who loves me to bits and a wonderful supportive close family but I still feel a lack of love. And I think the missing part is me. I don't love myself. When I was younger (18-21) I was madly in love with myself, so self confident, so convinced I was beautiful and somewhere along the line that feeling went. To be replaced with self loathing and disappointment in myself. The feeling of not respecting myself has led me to some seriously bad decisions over the last few years, but I didn't care because I didn't care about myself enough.
I don't know if it's because I'm a libra or it's just me but I love beauty and pretty things, I try to surrround myself with beautiful things and people, and i have so much love to give to things i find beautiful. Which no longer includes me. Things that I don't find beautiful I have no trouble getting rid of. Which I think is why I have been treating myself this way, I don't find me beautiful, I don't love myself, so i have no trouble trying to get rid of me. The problem is that i can't just get rid of me, which means now I have to climb out of the fat suit I have made for myself, and realise that I am still beautiful. I can say that easy enough but the problem with my mind is it's very hard to fool- stupid high IQ. I can't simply blindly believe- i need proof, fact, science to back things up. So I'll have to prove to myself that i'm still beautiful by removing this layer of myself and showing me that I am still that beautiful person.